I've been thinking alot lately about my life, where I am and where I'm headed. I've been questioning some things about myself as it relates to my future. There are so many things I want to accomplish in this life and I'm really wondering if those things will become reality. I've worked in the education system for seven years and although I enjoy my job, I don't enjoy the pay and if you know anything about the school system in Florida there is always some form of budget problem that tends to affect those lower on the pay scale.
I've always thought I wanted to be a teacher, since I was very young that was what I saw myself doing. How ever my life took a different route. I did start college a few years back but quit and have yet to return. As mentioned earlier I work in education but not as a teacher, I do lots of paper work and answer phones at a Detention facility. The more I learn about teaching and the fact that it's changed so drastically in the last few years, the less I want to be in a classroom. Not to mention the fact that it would take me at least three years to complete my degree (I know the time it will take is not a reason to not pursue something but ijs). Then the fact that the classes you have to take for the first sixty credits are just general education courses and have nothing to do with your major, it just pisses me off and apart of me feels like it's a complete waste of time!!!!! Too bad I didn't go and finish earlier. I have to continually remind myself that simply wasn't my path.
I've also been learning a lot about the Law of Attraction and if what I've learned is true then I can attract to me what my heart desires. If I write the vision and make it plain it can come forth. Some days that just sounds crazy to me and it just can't be that simple....or can it.? Not so much the teaching because of course you need a degree for that but a degree isn't required for some of the choices I'm interested in.
I think we all (maybe just me) look at the lives of those around us and feel like we should be on the same level as they are maybe not doing the same thing but, as far in life as that person(s) is. It's a constant conversation in my head that it's not true, we are all on different paths in life. Sometimes I don't listen to myself which sucks cause I give awesome advice. I'm really in a place where I realize I'm certainly not getting any younger and I need to go after those things that I truly want in this life, which brings up more questions.....I still don't know for certain what I truly want in the way of my career!!!!!:( I could go back to school and become a teacher, or go to a program for something like Medical Assistant or Billing and coding. Either are good options but if I'm completely honest there are other things I want to do that are less conventional like becoming an author or a motivational speaker.
I've always felt like I had a lot to say and could encourage young girls since I had my son at a young age (18) and still managed to get at least a high school diploma and some college. I also love travel and even though I don't get to do it nearly as often as I'd like I would love to help others live their dreams of seeing the world.... as a travel agent. I just really have to figure it all out and fairly soon so I can start moving in which ever direction that I choose. In addition to these questions I'm also starting to question those around me, I'm staring to wonder if it's me. I've lost friends and reconnected with them and there is always the question of sincerity. Maybe it's because I've recently had a baby and I'm hormonal/ emotionally unstable. Maybe it's just apart of coming into my own and growing older and I'm not sure yet how I truly feel about that. I feel like I'm alone at times at I know that is mostly because I lost my closest friend and that connection just can't be duplicated. There is really no one else that I'm that close to in my circle of friends (it's a small circle) and the ones that I do have I don't share certain things with and I never have so why start now? Yes I have a wonderful husband and I enjoy talking to him but I mean com'on you can't tell your husband everything.
I'm hoping to really wrap my head around some things and make some decisions about which direction I'm going in. I'm hoping to enjoy my path and really start to make the best of this life, it's such a gift and I can honestly say although I've been so blessed, I have not been living to my full potential and enjoying this precious gift!
Thanks so much for stopping by! Feel free to leave a comment!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Twelve for 2012!!
YES today is March 15, 2012 and I know I'm super late with this but better late than never..... right. I read a friend's post that asked/ challenged you to think of twelve things you would like to accomplish in the year 2012. Let me say, I don't make New Years resolutions anymore just because I don't follow through. I did make what most people would call a bucket list although I don't refer to it as such cause I have no plans of kicking any bucket soon and prayerfully me and God are on the same page.
My list didn't have twelve things on it so when I saw the post I felt compelled to answer the call. It was not any easy task either, but I enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to making these goals a reality. I would like to challenge you to think of twelve things you would like to accomplish this year and share them with me if you feel comfortable.
My list is as follows, no particular order just random.
1. Have a closer relationship with the creator.
2. Work to become a better mother.
3. Be a better wife.
4. Learn to speak Spanish
5. Forgive (Sincerely and let it all go)
6. Stay at an all inclusive resort
7. Take a cruise with my children (Hubby and I have gone but not the kids)
8. Enjoy everyday life (do things out of the ordinary even in the middle of the week)
9. Take my first train ride.
10.Take my first airplane ride.
11. Decide what I really want to do with my life (obtain a degree??)
12. Love freely, live well, Laugh often
I'm sure there are other things I could add to this list but I'll work on these first. I've shared mine so you should share yours.......
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Getting Back!
Five months after Tracy's death I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby boy. Eight pounds, four ounces and 2o inches long! There were a few difficulties in labor and delivery but GOD! This little boy has been a wonderful addition to our family. I have so much to be thankful for. This post would be too long if I went over everything that has taken place in the last several months. Let me try to sum it up as best possible.
During the pregnancy I had pupps ( a rash that only happens is 3% of women, very itchy and uncomfortable) Got over that with some herbs from the heath food store!! Then I went thru a bout with placenta previa (when your placenta is in front of your cervix) that went away after a few months. After delivery I hemorrhaged and have to have a blood transfusion. After being home a week, I went back to the Doctor only to find I had to have a D & C. After ALL this I'm on the road to recovery and I'm so grateful.
Elijah is soon to be five months old and his brother and sister adore him! I can't begin to explain how much he has changed our lives....it's been so long since we had a baby in the house and he is just as goofy as the rest of us. I was so concerned since I was going thru mild depression and grief. He is such a happy baby!!!!!
Okay so after all these recent events it's given me an opportunity to sit back and really reflect on things, people and such. I've lost friends via death and growing apart. It's been a hurtful thing for me and I've made some changes that I felt were necessary. First off I deactivated my facebook account. I felt like I was spending wayyyy to much time on there and I found myself feeling some kinda way about some of the post. Getting involved in things that didn't have ANYTHING to do with me!
I'm working on getting back to things that are important to me, family and those that are important. Things that I enjoy doing.....reading and watching any good drama i.e. Grey's Anatomy, The Game, and such and I'm so serious when I say I'm loving it!!!!!! Spending time with my family and taking time all to myself has been really gratifying.
Whoa I said a mouthful and I'm done......My intent is to blog more often!
Thanks for stopping by!!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
No time like the present
I've learned over the last few weeks that life is all to short and there is no time to waste on grudges, hate, regret, or anything that doesn't make you happy!! It's not that it's a new lesson, I've known all along but things take place in your life that bring truths to a place where they can no longer be ignored. On May 15, 2011 my life was forever changed. I received a call from my best friends husband telling me that something was wrong. I was informed that she fell out and was not breathing and her heart was not beating. I lost all composure and began to pray, he told me he would call me back, that the paramedics were working on her and he would call me when he had more information.
I sat at my computer and cried and prayed waiting for him to call me back. All shorts or thoughts went through my head. What seemed like an eternity, finally he called only to tell my husband that my best friend of almost twenty years passed away. I cried and screamed and yelled NO but it didn't matter. She was gone from this world and on to the next. I have felt so alone in these last couple of weeks, yes I have my husband and children and other friends but none like Tracy. She was my Ace the person I called about virtually everything, the person that broke down the walls that I have up and loved me regardless of all my faults. Anytime I called her she was always there, when other friends let me down she was in my corner. I'm so deeply sadden by the loss of my friend but I'm so very grateful to have met her and shared apart of my life with her. She showed me what a real friend was and although my heart is heavy, I smile with every tear I cry. I have no regrets regarding our friendship, we both knew how much we loved each other and we had a wonderful friendship that I will forever cherish.
In death you look at life and what you're doing with yours and I want more than ever to live my life to the very fullest. I want to cherish those little things that at times we take for granted. My advice would be to all who have ears to hear....love those in your life, take time with your family and friends. Get rid of those that are not for your good. This loss has been devastating to me and I find myself crying just thinking of her and the fact that she is not with me anymore. My husband told me that she is still with me and always will be....I explained I'm not crying for her, I'm crying for me because I don't have her here....we can't laugh together anymore, I can't call her anymore. I was then reminded that there is new laughter to be had and new life coming forth!! She would want me to
(K. I. M- Keep it moving) I can hear her voice telling me to stop crying and letting me know that she is alright and that I must press forward. With those thoughts I will press on and live my life to the fullest for this is what she would have wanted. If you have a true best friend, let them know often that you love and appreciate them!
Tracy Vickers Dejerinett you will forever be in my heart and with me ALWAYS!!! I love You
I sat at my computer and cried and prayed waiting for him to call me back. All shorts or thoughts went through my head. What seemed like an eternity, finally he called only to tell my husband that my best friend of almost twenty years passed away. I cried and screamed and yelled NO but it didn't matter. She was gone from this world and on to the next. I have felt so alone in these last couple of weeks, yes I have my husband and children and other friends but none like Tracy. She was my Ace the person I called about virtually everything, the person that broke down the walls that I have up and loved me regardless of all my faults. Anytime I called her she was always there, when other friends let me down she was in my corner. I'm so deeply sadden by the loss of my friend but I'm so very grateful to have met her and shared apart of my life with her. She showed me what a real friend was and although my heart is heavy, I smile with every tear I cry. I have no regrets regarding our friendship, we both knew how much we loved each other and we had a wonderful friendship that I will forever cherish.
In death you look at life and what you're doing with yours and I want more than ever to live my life to the very fullest. I want to cherish those little things that at times we take for granted. My advice would be to all who have ears to hear....love those in your life, take time with your family and friends. Get rid of those that are not for your good. This loss has been devastating to me and I find myself crying just thinking of her and the fact that she is not with me anymore. My husband told me that she is still with me and always will be....I explained I'm not crying for her, I'm crying for me because I don't have her here....we can't laugh together anymore, I can't call her anymore. I was then reminded that there is new laughter to be had and new life coming forth!! She would want me to
(K. I. M- Keep it moving) I can hear her voice telling me to stop crying and letting me know that she is alright and that I must press forward. With those thoughts I will press on and live my life to the fullest for this is what she would have wanted. If you have a true best friend, let them know often that you love and appreciate them!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Catch up!
It's been a moment since I last wrote so I figured it was time to continue. In my last post I stated that I'd just recently found out about a new addition to our family and although not planned and a bit scary it is a welcomed blessing. The fact is I wanted another child, we just weren't certain if it could happen or if the timing would ever be right. Well it's just fine, the timing is what it is! I have made it past my first trimester and wow was it different. I mentioned in a previous post that I wasn't experiencing any morning sickness.......well I spoke to soon! The morning sickness did rear it's ugly head and I now have a better understanding. I didn't experience that with my first two pregnancies and I'm so glad it's over!!
In the first three months there is not a whole lot to talk about other then nausea and blah. There is a lot taking place but unless you tell those around you, no one knows you're expecting. Well the cat is out the bag now...I'm not horribly big but you can tell or you just think I'm drinking a lot of beers. It's been a world wind journey so far. I had my second sonogram on March 30, 2011 and it was amazing. The first sono 2/28/11 was just a small speck on the screen and doesn't look like much but the growth that took place in a months time was none short of spectacular.
To see my baby on the screen moving around and kicking brought tears to my eyes. I know I've done this before but there is something so magical about each time. I'm so excited for each new day and the changes it brings. I still find myself thinking "Wow, I'm pregnant" I have had moments where I become afraid of the what ifs but then I remember, God's got it all in control and if I believe and trust in him everything else will fall into place.
My husband continues to refer to the fetus as "him" or "He" we shall see soon enough. He rubs my tummy and talks to the baby, which I love!! We are in a great place, the kids are excited and anxiously awaiting the arrival of their sibling. My daughter who is nine ask lots of questions and reads books about the development so she knows what's taking place and how big the baby currently is ( a peach). My son whose older and more reserved (he's happy) he just may not say it as much as his sister does. Another big event that happened this month was (Drum roll please) I felt the baby move for the first time on April 13, first while at work and then later while at home!! I'm excited about each new day and all it brings!
In the first three months there is not a whole lot to talk about other then nausea and blah. There is a lot taking place but unless you tell those around you, no one knows you're expecting. Well the cat is out the bag now...I'm not horribly big but you can tell or you just think I'm drinking a lot of beers. It's been a world wind journey so far. I had my second sonogram on March 30, 2011 and it was amazing. The first sono 2/28/11 was just a small speck on the screen and doesn't look like much but the growth that took place in a months time was none short of spectacular.
To see my baby on the screen moving around and kicking brought tears to my eyes. I know I've done this before but there is something so magical about each time. I'm so excited for each new day and the changes it brings. I still find myself thinking "Wow, I'm pregnant" I have had moments where I become afraid of the what ifs but then I remember, God's got it all in control and if I believe and trust in him everything else will fall into place.
My husband continues to refer to the fetus as "him" or "He" we shall see soon enough. He rubs my tummy and talks to the baby, which I love!! We are in a great place, the kids are excited and anxiously awaiting the arrival of their sibling. My daughter who is nine ask lots of questions and reads books about the development so she knows what's taking place and how big the baby currently is ( a peach). My son whose older and more reserved (he's happy) he just may not say it as much as his sister does. Another big event that happened this month was (Drum roll please) I felt the baby move for the first time on April 13, first while at work and then later while at home!! I'm excited about each new day and all it brings!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sometimes
There are days when I'm sad, others when I'm mad. Sometimes I wonder about the past, other times I worry about the future; but then there are days when I just enjoy NOW!! When I look at my life and all those in it, I say "Thank You God for all you've done for ME" For each breath I'm allowed to take. My beautiful family and friends!!! My health and my wealth, although it may not be millions it's more than many. Thank God for my job, even though some days I think it sucks. My car that gets me to and from. The traveling mercy I receive on a daily basis. I just look at it all and enjoy the moments the little things in life, with no regard to what will happen next year or even tomorrow. The laughter and the tears are all things I'm grateful to experience.
Sometimes I just look in the mirror and smile, thinking what a mighty long way I've come. I listen to my children laugh and play and it brings delight to my soul. Sometimes I just enjoy the moments that I've been so fortunate to have, cause spending time worrying does me no good. I'd rather just enjoy the NOW!
Sometimes........
Sometimes I just look in the mirror and smile, thinking what a mighty long way I've come. I listen to my children laugh and play and it brings delight to my soul. Sometimes I just enjoy the moments that I've been so fortunate to have, cause spending time worrying does me no good. I'd rather just enjoy the NOW!
Sometimes........
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Continued
I received the phone call regarding the HCG levels and they are going up as expected!! I'm still kinda in a state of shock and I find myself worrying about the little things. I have told a few more people. My mom, which was funny...I bought her a card that said congrats to the grandparents! It was really cool to watch her expression as she read it! I know she thought it was a Birthday card since her Birthday was the next day. She was excited and surprised. I'll tell my Dad soon, when I pay my next visit to see him and his wife.
We still haven't told our children just yet, not sure exactly what were waiting on but just haven't told them. We haven't told my sister yet either or any of my husbands family but we have a big event coming up and that will be the best time to tell his side of the family.
No nausea or any symptoms to speak of but I didn't have those with the other pregnancies either, so yeah me!! Well I'm sleepy alot and a little cramping but that's it!! Not sure when my first Dr. Appointment will be (awaiting their call to schedule it) but I'm excited to see what comes next. The plan or not....... what will be will be and I know it's a blessing and I/we plan to enjoy the journey!
Until next time :)
We still haven't told our children just yet, not sure exactly what were waiting on but just haven't told them. We haven't told my sister yet either or any of my husbands family but we have a big event coming up and that will be the best time to tell his side of the family.
No nausea or any symptoms to speak of but I didn't have those with the other pregnancies either, so yeah me!! Well I'm sleepy alot and a little cramping but that's it!! Not sure when my first Dr. Appointment will be (awaiting their call to schedule it) but I'm excited to see what comes next. The plan or not....... what will be will be and I know it's a blessing and I/we plan to enjoy the journey!
Until next time :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)