Never would have made it this far without the Grace of God and I'm forever Thankful!!! Despite what I've been through or how great the pain may have been I MADE IT!
Even when...
Thank God I'm over it NOW.......
The storm is over!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Exhausted
As you've heard me mention in other post, I'm a happily married mother of two. I've been married for ten years to my high school sweet heart. I had my first child at eighteen and my second at age twenty three. My children are now ages fourteen and nine. I ALWAYS said I never wanted anymore children!! When my daughter was just an infant and I stood in the shower crying my eyes out I vowed I would never go thru that again.
Well about a year ago....something changed. Although I kept this to myself for months on end simply because I couldn't say it out loud, I felt some kinda way about how I was feeling. What was it? Some call it baby fever but I had never felt it before so why would it start now. I dealt with in in silence, secretly thinking how nice it would be to have another little one running around and to be pregnant again. To go thru pre school and all of life's first.
I finally decided to talk to my husband about how I was feeling, thinking he's gonna think I'm crazy as hell. To my surprise my husband was completely on board with the idea! Wow all this time I was sorta afraid to tell him and he was thinking the same thing. We talked about it and continue to talk about it, well mostly I continue to talk about it and question many things.
1. Have we waited too late, our kids are getting pretty big it's like starting over?
2. Is it the right decision?
3. Are we too old.....Don't answer that
4. How will the kids take it, will they be happy or annoyed at a crying baby?
5. What if something goes wrong?
These are just a few things I continue to question. Were dealing with some things financially also, not major but our four bedroom two bathroom home as most homes right now, the interest is INSANE and we are trying to stay above water but hell some days I just wanna throw in the towel and down grade to something more affordable. I love my house and two car garage, we all have our own space here but it's getting to be unworthy of the hassle. But as Tyler Perry said " you're worried about your house and how you gonna pay this and what the neighbors are gonna think, hell they struggling too....don't worry about what they think, MOVE!" I just feel like such a loser to think of having a child and living with my mom or in an apartment. I have my health, I have a loving family and in my heart I want to expand my family and the thought of creating another life with my husband makes me feel all warm inside.
I trip myself out that I have all these questions and stress myself out. Granted it's a huge decision but honestly most people don't consider having kids they have sex and end up pregnant. Hell some women don't even know who fathered their child and here I am in a loving marriage for several years and I hesitate.
Until next time!
Well about a year ago....something changed. Although I kept this to myself for months on end simply because I couldn't say it out loud, I felt some kinda way about how I was feeling. What was it? Some call it baby fever but I had never felt it before so why would it start now. I dealt with in in silence, secretly thinking how nice it would be to have another little one running around and to be pregnant again. To go thru pre school and all of life's first.
I finally decided to talk to my husband about how I was feeling, thinking he's gonna think I'm crazy as hell. To my surprise my husband was completely on board with the idea! Wow all this time I was sorta afraid to tell him and he was thinking the same thing. We talked about it and continue to talk about it, well mostly I continue to talk about it and question many things.
1. Have we waited too late, our kids are getting pretty big it's like starting over?
2. Is it the right decision?
3. Are we too old.....Don't answer that
4. How will the kids take it, will they be happy or annoyed at a crying baby?
5. What if something goes wrong?
These are just a few things I continue to question. Were dealing with some things financially also, not major but our four bedroom two bathroom home as most homes right now, the interest is INSANE and we are trying to stay above water but hell some days I just wanna throw in the towel and down grade to something more affordable. I love my house and two car garage, we all have our own space here but it's getting to be unworthy of the hassle. But as Tyler Perry said " you're worried about your house and how you gonna pay this and what the neighbors are gonna think, hell they struggling too....don't worry about what they think, MOVE!" I just feel like such a loser to think of having a child and living with my mom or in an apartment. I have my health, I have a loving family and in my heart I want to expand my family and the thought of creating another life with my husband makes me feel all warm inside.
I trip myself out that I have all these questions and stress myself out. Granted it's a huge decision but honestly most people don't consider having kids they have sex and end up pregnant. Hell some women don't even know who fathered their child and here I am in a loving marriage for several years and I hesitate.
Until next time!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Truth be told!
I'm so completely in love with my husband. I love our relationship, the talks, the laughter! See I never wanted to be the girl who's husband was her best friend. It just always sounded so cheesy to me. I have grown so much and I've realized he truly is my rock. He comforts me when I'm in pain or sorrowful. He lifts me up when I'm down. He corrects me when I'm wrong but in such a gentle way. He is everything I could ever imagine and hope for in a man. I'm so blessed to have met him and come this far with him. We met back in the day when we were teenagers....I was walking with my friends to the store house and I thought he was cute but not really my type, well fifteen years, two kids and a dog later look at us now and I truly couldn't ask God for anything better (other than to be really, really, wealthy!) Trust I went thru the thug phase and thankfully got over that shyt cause ahhh nah.
Our relationship hasn't been peaches and cream but it has been enormously worth it and I wouldn't change it for the world! You will hear some people say that they don't need a man and some will settle for less than a real man either way it's all bullshyt. Every women deserves a good man, someone to come home to and talk about their day or a shoulder to cry on. Someone to just sit on the sofa and snuggle and watch movies with. Sounds really homo don't it? Well it's freakin awesome! All that in the club smoking and drinking and shaking yo ass is fine for a while but after it's all said and done.....companionship is what I think most people crave..even if they don't say it out loud.
Our relationship hasn't been peaches and cream but it has been enormously worth it and I wouldn't change it for the world! You will hear some people say that they don't need a man and some will settle for less than a real man either way it's all bullshyt. Every women deserves a good man, someone to come home to and talk about their day or a shoulder to cry on. Someone to just sit on the sofa and snuggle and watch movies with. Sounds really homo don't it? Well it's freakin awesome! All that in the club smoking and drinking and shaking yo ass is fine for a while but after it's all said and done.....companionship is what I think most people crave..even if they don't say it out loud.
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