Crossroads

I've been thinking alot lately about my life, where I am and where I'm headed. I've been questioning some things about myself as it relates to my future. There are so many things I want to accomplish in this life and I'm really wondering if those things will become reality. I've worked in the education system for seven years and although I enjoy my job, I don't enjoy the pay and if you know anything about the school system in Florida there is always some form of budget problem that tends to affect those lower on the pay scale.

I've always thought I wanted to be a teacher, since I was very young that was what I saw myself doing. How ever my life took a different route. I did start college a few years back but quit and have yet to return. As mentioned earlier I work in education but not as a teacher, I do lots of paper work and answer phones at a Detention facility. The more I learn about teaching and the fact that it's changed so drastically in the last few years, the less I want to be in a classroom. Not to mention the fact that it would take me at least three years to complete my degree (I know the time it will take is not a reason to not pursue something but ijs). Then the fact that the classes you have to take for the first sixty credits are just general education courses and have nothing to do with your major, it just pisses me off and apart of me feels like it's a complete waste of time!!!!! Too bad I didn't go and finish earlier. I have to continually remind myself that simply wasn't my path.

I've also been learning a lot about the Law of Attraction and if what I've learned is true then I can attract to me what my heart desires. If I write the vision and make it plain it can come forth. Some days that just sounds crazy to me and it just can't be that simple....or can it.? Not so much the teaching because of course you need a degree for that but a degree isn't required for some of the choices I'm interested in. 

I think we all (maybe just me) look at the lives of those around us and feel like we should be on the same level as they are maybe not doing the same thing but, as far in life as that person(s) is. It's a constant conversation in my head that it's not true, we are all on different paths in life. Sometimes I don't listen to myself which sucks cause I give awesome advice. I'm really in a place where I realize I'm certainly not getting any younger and I need to go after those things that I truly want in this life, which brings up more questions.....I still don't know for certain what I truly want in the way of my career!!!!!:(  I could go back to school and become a teacher, or go to a program for something like Medical Assistant or Billing and coding. Either are good options but if I'm completely honest there are other things I want to do that are less conventional like becoming an author or a motivational speaker.

 I've always felt like I had a lot to say and could encourage young girls since I had my son at a young age (18) and still managed to get at least a high school diploma and some college. I also love travel and even though I don't get to do it nearly as often as I'd like I would love to help others live their dreams of seeing the world.... as a travel agent. I just really have to figure it all out and fairly soon so I can start moving in which ever direction that I choose. In addition to these questions I'm also starting to question those around me, I'm staring to wonder if it's me. I've lost friends and reconnected with them and there is always the question of sincerity. Maybe it's because I've recently had a baby and I'm hormonal/ emotionally unstable. Maybe it's just apart of coming into my own and growing older and I'm not sure yet how I truly feel about that. I feel like I'm alone at times at I know that is mostly because I lost my closest friend and that connection just can't be duplicated. There is really no one else that I'm that close to in my circle of friends (it's a small circle) and the ones that I do have I don't share certain things with and I never have so why start now? Yes I have a wonderful husband and I enjoy talking to him but I mean com'on you can't tell your husband everything.

I'm hoping to really wrap my head around some things and make some decisions about which direction I'm going in. I'm hoping to enjoy my path and really start to make the best of this life, it's such a gift and I can honestly say although I've been so blessed, I have not been living to my full potential and enjoying this precious gift!

Thanks so much for stopping by! Feel free to leave a comment!

Twelve for 2012!!

YES today is March 15, 2012 and I know I'm super late with this but better late than never..... right. I read a friend's post that asked/ challenged you to think of twelve things you would like to accomplish in the year 2012. Let me say, I don't make New Years resolutions anymore just because I don't follow through. I did make what most people would call a bucket list although I don't refer to it as such cause I have no plans of kicking any bucket soon and prayerfully me and God are on the same page. 

My list didn't have twelve things on it so when I saw the post I felt compelled to answer the call. It was not any easy task either, but I enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to making these goals a reality. I would like to challenge you to think of twelve things you would like to accomplish this year and share them with me if you feel comfortable. 

My list is as follows, no particular order just random.

1. Have a closer relationship with the creator.

2. Work to become a better mother.

3. Be a better wife.

4. Learn to speak Spanish

5. Forgive (Sincerely and let it all go)

6. Stay at an all inclusive resort

7. Take a cruise with my children (Hubby and I have gone but not the kids)

8. Enjoy everyday life (do things out of the ordinary even in the middle of the week)

9. Take my first train ride.

10.Take my first airplane ride.

11. Decide what I really want to do with my life (obtain a degree??)

12. Love freely, live well, Laugh often

I'm sure there are other things I could add to this list but I'll work on these first. I've shared mine so you should share yours.......

Getting Back!

It's been along time since my last post, ten months to be exact. My last post talked about the devastation that had recently took place in my life. I've lost a great friend that will never be replaced and that has set me back tremendously. However life must continue and I have to admit that even in midst of my storm and grief, God has continued to bless me. 

Five months after Tracy's death I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby boy. Eight pounds, four ounces and 2o inches long!  There were a few difficulties in labor and delivery but GOD! This little boy has been a wonderful addition to our family. I have so much to be thankful for. This post would be too long if I went over everything that has taken place in the last several months. Let me try to sum it up as best possible.

During the pregnancy I had pupps ( a rash that only happens is 3% of women, very itchy and uncomfortable) Got over that with some herbs from the heath food store!! Then I went thru a bout with placenta previa (when your placenta is in front of your cervix) that went away after a few months. After delivery I hemorrhaged and have to have a blood transfusion. After being home a week, I went back to the Doctor only to find I had to have a D & C. After ALL this I'm on the road to recovery and I'm so grateful.

Elijah is soon to be five months old and his brother and sister adore him! I can't begin to explain how much he has changed our lives....it's been so long since we had a baby in the house and he is just as goofy as the rest of us. I was so concerned since I was going thru mild depression and grief. He is such a happy baby!!!!!

Okay so after all these recent events it's given me an opportunity to sit back and really reflect on things, people and such. I've lost friends via death and growing apart. It's been a hurtful thing for me and I've made some changes that I felt were necessary. First off I deactivated my facebook account. I felt like I was spending wayyyy to much time on there and I found myself feeling some kinda way about some of the post. Getting involved in things that didn't have ANYTHING to do with me!

I'm working on getting back to things that are important to me, family and those that are important. Things that I enjoy doing.....reading and watching any good drama i.e. Grey's Anatomy, The Game, and such and I'm so serious when I say I'm loving it!!!!!! Spending time with my family and taking time all to myself has been really gratifying. 

Whoa I said a mouthful and I'm done......My intent is to blog more often!

Thanks for stopping by!!