The Frighteners

So Christmas has come and gone and it was indeed a wonderful day for the most part. My family came over, we had dinner, opened presents, laughed and watch some Christmas movies! However during this wonderful time I noticed something that I think I've always known. I DO NOT have the spirit of hospitality. I enjoy being with my family and the laughter, but making plates and being the hostest with the mostest....nah that is not my forte. I'd rather take everyone out to a nice dinner and pay for it, then have the extra kids running thru the house. I like order and everything in it's place!! I'm starting to notice alot about me lately. Could it be the fast approaching New Year? I don't know, what I do know is I let everything around me dictate how I feel and what I wanna do. From what others say (their opinions) to what they are doing in their lives. I compare myself to others often, that shit has got to stop!! I have to stop letting the advice of others determine what my decisions will be. It's okay to talk to family and friends but when you allow them to make your decisions that's taking it too far. I think it's partly unintentional or even unconscious, example....I made a decision, or me and my husband made a decision. We discussed it, thought it over, looked at the pros and cons and made up our minds. It was a done deal. I however decided to discuss it with a friend, do you know by the end of the conversation my decision was wavering. What the hell, wait....because of what my friend said I began to question the decision that me and my life partner had already made! Don't get me wrong, when a friend brings up valid points you should certainly consider. When you and your partner have decided to have a child and your friend suggest you get a dog.....question your friend not your decision!!

I vow from now until death to stop being frightened all the time.  I will make my own decisions based on my own life, my abilities and what I want to do. Never to allow those around me to influence those decisions one way or the other. I will continue to indulge in conversation and allow others to voice their opinions and I voice mine with a clear understanding, opinions are like assholes everybody has one. I promise to stop looking at the lives of those around me and thinking mine should in any way resemble theirs or that life should look a certain way. I promise myself that I will stop being so afraid of what it looks like to others or being scared of what someone may say or think. Furthermore I promise myself to look thru my heart vs my eyes to live and love from the inside out.