My Berlin Wall

So I've been told that I have too many walls up, or that I'm mean or simply not vulnerable enough. Well I suppose that's true to some degree but not completely. I've was told at a young age that I should say whatever I wanted to say by my father, now let me explain. My father told me this when I was maybe six or seven and he never explained how much trouble that may cause in my life! Looking back I think he was  saying I could freely express myself with him not so much the entire world. I have always done just what my Daddy said and turns out it's not the best advice. I've since learned to tone myself down drastically when dealing with others...however if you were/are someone I call friend I had (notice the past tense use of the word) this awful habit of being really blunt about whatever the situation may have been. I've realized now that wasn't the way to go, but as a teenager, if I thought you were being stupid I had no problem telling you just that! I have made many apologizes due to my non tactfulness. I've always been the strong one in my group of peers or so it has always seemed,  I didn't care about much and it grew over the years to a point where people would do things, thinking that It wouldn't hurt me, who me, the warrior? Nah she has a heart of steel (or so it seemed) again this was nothing more than my exterior my interior is one the other hand a very different texture. Unlike the warrior princess I appear to be on the outside my insides would be screaming and crying like a toddler! How could you say that to me? That hurt my feelings :( but of course being so strong (or so it seemed to the naked eye) I would never admit to anything! You will never see me cry...that is for weak little people (no seriously I hate crying in front of others) it makes me feel small. My walls that I have built over the years have protected me from those that may set out to hurt me, however I think they have also kept most of me hidden from those around me. Never allowing them in to really know me.  It's taken me years to come outta that hard exterior and truthfully I'm still not completely out. Truth be told I'm unbelievably mushy, yeah I said it Mushy. The slightest thing can hurt my feelings, I cry all the time. I'm learning to allow my walls to come down in those friendships, because people need to know the real me in all my glory!! Those who have stuck around have dealt with all my crap and have seen me blossom and retreat from my safety shell because I no longer wanna be in that place protected while at the same time hidden away.